Forgiveness
by Ninja Elizabeth
Summary: Briony must 'Atone' but Robbie and Cecilia must forgive. "Life" goes on for them as they watch how the lies that separated them affect the ones they once loved.
1. Ghost Part 1

**Disclaimers:** All rights to owners. I gain nothing but my own amusement. If you sue me you will end up with dust bunnies and cracker crumbs.

Apologies to Ian McEwan, who wrote a wonderful book, to Christopher Hampton, who wrote the script. Thank you to Joe Wright for his vision,, and to Keira Knightley, James McAvoy and the rest of the cast for bringing Joe's vision to life.

**Notes:** Some images and references are taken from the novel, others from the movie. Some are taken from unused scenes in the script.

Forgiveness

by

Ninja Elizabeth

**Chapter 1**

**Ghost Part 1**

June, 1940 Dunkirk Bray Dunes

Private Robbie Turner opened his eyes and gave his sore aching body a good long stretch. It felt good. He felt good, the best he had in days... weeks, even months. He was going home. Cecilia. He could still hear her words clearly as the day she whispered them in his ear. "I love you. Come back. Come back to me." If he thought about it, he could feel the soft touch of her lips when they last kissed at the bus stop.

"I'm coming home, Cee." he replied. "I'm coming home!"

Something was wrong. It was quiet, almost too quiet. He looked around. Where was everybody. He called out to Mace and Nettle. Nobody stirred. He had instructed Nettle to wake him up early. Why had he been left behind? Then he saw it... him. A blanket cover the body. The hand that stuck out from under it looked as though it had been holding something. His letters. Every letter Cecilia and his mother had sent him, and the picture of the cottage Cecilia's friend said they could use when he was on leave. In that instant, everything became clear. He wasn't going home. He wasn't going to see Cecilia again. He would never hold her in his arms and kiss her again. He was dead.

'I'll wait for you. Come back to me,' he could hear her say every time he read her letters. She had signed every one she sent to him since he had joined the Army that way. The letters he hoped that Nettle had taken. He was the only one who would have thought them important. 'Your loving, Cee.'

He left himself to his eternal rest and headed up the stairs of the bunker. He felt so alone. He felt so empty. He had come so far only to fail. All his dreams of being with her were just a thing of the past now. All his suffering had come to an end. How long had it been? Did she know he was supposed to be on his way home? Did she know he was dead? How would she know how hard he tried to make it?

He sat down on an abandoned jeep. It was still too quiet. He missed the heavy footfalls of Mace and the constant chatter of Nettle. He looked out across the ocean. He hoped they made it out safe. He reached for his letters, forgetting that they weren't there. He sighed. He thought of Cecilia, beautiful Cecilia. She was so beautiful that summer day when she defiantly stripped down to her slip to retrieve the broken vase from the fountain. She was absolutely breath taking in the green dress she wore to dinner. She had been there everyday of his trial, sometimes being the only one sitting on his side. She loved him. Robbie Turner, the charlady's son. She supported him when everybody save his mother had turned on him. It broke his heart to hear her cry out when the verdict of 'guilty' was handed down. She whispered the words in his ear again. 'I love you. I'll wait for you. Come back to me.'

Prison. He was alone. 'Morbidly oversexed' they had labeled him. 'The subject may become dangerously inflamed should he see her.' The only visitor he was allowed was his mother. She could not visit as often as she or he wanted. It was awkward for her to ask the very people who had put him away for permission or time to visit him. He knew that. Just knowing that she loved him was enough. It was from her that he learned that Cecilia had left home, turning her back on her family. It was months before her letters began to arrive. They were so dry and emotionless. At first he didn't get it. She didn't write at first about his responses. When she wrote about finding a 'something green in her closet and going to the library to find a quiet corner to read' he got it. She had never gotten his first letters, nor had he received hers. That was why it had taken her so long to write. Their correspondence was being monitored. From that moment on, they wrote in 'code'. Sometimes it took him days to figure out what she was talking about. But he didn't mind reading her words over and over again. He was sure she likewise had the same problem with his letters and the same joy. When he was given the choice of staying in prison or joining the Army, he chose the Army... anything to get out of the rotten concrete cell he lived in. He could prove himself, he fancied. Perhaps gain respect, clear his name. One step closer to a live with his beloved Cee.

Looking around at his surroundings Robbie began to wonder. Was he alone? Had the others moved on? Surely he wasn't the only soldier who had died and was left behind. Where were they? Sliding off the hood of the jeep, Robbie wandered toward what was left of the town. He found the pub. He could hear singing and merriment coming from inside. What he saw saddened him a bit. There were soldiers inside drinking and carrying on without a care in the world. Some of them over their dead selves. He was not like them. He was moving on, they were doomed to haunt the shores of Dunkirk. It was not the place for him.

His place was with Cecilia. She was waiting for him. It wasn't how they hoped to meet again, but Robbie vowed that he would wait for her. He dreamed of being with her again. He dreamed of the day he returned to find her waiting for him, running into his arms, kissing him. He dreamed of getting down on one knee and asking her to marry him. But none of that mattered now. All those dreams had been shattered. He was dead. He never had the chance. Briony. He spit her name. What did she want? He hated her. His mother told him not to hate, but he was sure she hated her as much as he did. He hated them all. Every single member of the Tallis family save one, the middle child, Cecilia. She was the only one who stood by him along side his mother.

Suddenly, Robbie found himself at the natural pool at the far end of the Tallis grounds. He spit her name again. "I should have let you drown!", he screamed. "I should have let you drown!"

Robbie gagged. The stench of urine on cold concrete filled his nostrils. "NO!" he screamed. He was back in his prison cell. He closed his eyes tightly. Think of happier times he told himself. He focused his thoughts on the last time he saw Cecilia.

He found himself looking into the window of the Swallow Teahouse. He chuckled to himself. He could almost imagine Cecilia standing there in her nurse uniform looking at him, almost terrified. She was as terrified as he was. "I'm sorry I'm late," he lied. "I got lost." The truth was he kept backtracking, changing his mind to see her in his nervousness. Would she be there? Would he recognize her? Would she recognize him? He cursed himself now. Lost time. He entered the teahouse. The noise did not change. Life went on. He recalled the gentleness of her hand on his as he stirred his tea. He had pulled away. "Every day," she said. "I would have been there every day had I been allowed." Her eyes were as sad as his. Robbie recalled how firm yet loving her touch on his cheek was. "Robbie. Come back, come back to me" she repeated.

He decided he had enough of the noisy teahouse and retraced the route they walked to where she caught her bus, holding hands. He snickered wondering just how 'ghastly' her flat was as what her 'nosy landlady' was really like. There was always a bit of snobbery to Cecilia but he kind of liked that. She wasn't as bad as her family was however. He saw the No. 19 bus to Balham He ran after it and this time hopped on. He didn't know where he was going but at one point felt that it was time to get off.

Walking down the sidewalk he looked around at the people going on with their lives. They were completely unaware of the horrors that were taking place overseas. How could they? The new only reported the victories and never the casualties. They never reported the whole story. He noticed a soldier walking. He kept looking at a paper in his hand. He looked a bit lost. Robbie decided to follow him.

The soldier stopped in front of a building. Apartments. Robbie noticed the pigs in the front. There was a woman on the steps of one sweeping. The soldier addressed the woman.

"Tallis! Door!" the woman shrieked.

Robbie's heart, if it still beat, would have skipped a few beats. This was Cecilia's flat. This was where his beloved Cee lived. The door opened and there she was. He smiled. She was wearing a familiar blue robe. His robe. His mother must have given it to her. She had written about how she visited his mother. She was just as he remembered from the last time he saw her at the teahouse. Her expression saddened when she saw the soldier. He handed her a small package wrapped in brown paper and string then walked away. Robbie glared at him. So cold. But then Robbie felt a little sorry for him. He must have performed his duty too many times, and it would not be the last.

Nothing could have prepared Robbie for what happened next. A gut wretching scream pierced the silence of the summer afternoon followed by uncontrollable sobs. Robbie turned to face Cecilia, now seated on the steps in front of her door. She had opened the small package. It was his letters and the picture of her friend's cottage where they had hoped to spend time together. It broke his heart to see Cecilia crying. The last time he had seen her cry was that November day in court when he was sentenced but it was nothing like her sobs now.

He sat down next to her hoping he could be of some comfort as she looked through the bundle of letters she had written him.

"I kept them all, Cee. Every letter you wrote to me while I was in the Army." Robbie replied. "I kept them close to my heart."

Cecilia wiped the tears that continued down her cheeks as she looked at the picture of the cottage she had given to Robbie. How exited she had been at the prospect of going there with him.

"I'm sorry I didn't make it." Robbie responded. Wiping here tears. "I tried." He stood up. He could not bare to see her cry any longer. She held the bundle close to her heart. He cupped her face in his hand. "Cecilia, I love you. I'll wait for you. Look for me and you'll find me."

With that Robbie turned and disappeared as he walked down the street. He did not see Cecilia raise a hand to her cheek and look up to where he stood only moments before.

"Robbie, I love you."


	2. Never Alone

**Disclaimers:** All rights to owners. I gain nothing but my own amusement. If you sue me, you will end up with dust bunnies and cracker crumbs.

Apologies to Ian McEwan, who wrote a wonderful book, to Christopher Hampton, who wrote the script. Thank you to Joe Wright for his vision, and to Keira Knightley, James McAvoy and the rest of the cast for bringing Joe's vision to life.

**Notes:** Some images and references are taken from the novel, others from the movie. Some are taken from unused scenes in the script.

Forgiveness

by

Ninja Elizabeth

**Chapter 2**

**Never Alone**

July 1940, Tallis House Lodge

Ward Sister Cecilia set her coat and overnight bag down on a small wood chair by the dining table and made herself at home in the lodge house that belonged to Grace Turner. She visited Robbie's mother whenever her schedule allowed. She knew how hard it was for her to continue to work for the family that had condemned her only son. But where could she go? Robbie's trial had been a public one, and not only was there a stain on his name but hers as well. No one would hire a woman whose only son had been convicted of raping a child. She had not been fired, nor the lodge house taken away, so she continued to do her job. That fact caused Cecilia to hate her wretched family even more. Grace had assured Cecilia that she would be all right. "Your defiance will be for the both of us. You are young and have a life full of opportunity in front of you." The older woman told her the day she had come to say 'good-bye'.

Entering Robbie's room, Cecilia put on a record. At Robbie's desk she ran her hand over the keys of his typewriter that had stamped out that now infamous letter a little more than five years ago, the letter that he had mistakenly placed in the envelope to be given to her. In his modesty he had given the letter to her sister upon seeing her on the Surrey path on the way to the main house. She spit her sister's name. She had betrayed Robbie by reading the letter that day. He trusted her and she betrayed him. She betrayed her as well. Cecilia had placed the letter in the vanity in her room before coming down to answer the door for Robbie. Her sister was the only one who knew about the letter and would have dared to enter and search her room for the letter to give to the police. Their mother was always complaining about the state of Cecilia's room and how she never wanted to set foot in it. That suited the little as well as grown up Cecilia just fine.

Tears filled Cecilia's eyes as she recalled the day in the trial as Robbie sat on the stand, accused and already presumed guilty by most of those there to witness the proceedings, forced to read the letter that was never meant to be seen, let alone read by anyone but himself. "In my dreams I kiss your cunt, your sweet wet cunt. In my thoughts I make love to you all day long." Cecilia smiled at him. To hear the words from his mouth filled here heart with love. Robbie managed a half smile at her. Robbie was always so quiet and private. It was so hard for him to be put on 'display' for the trial.

She sighed and wiped her tears on her arm as she placed her hand on the vacant spot on the desk. Robbie's copy of "Gray's Anatomy" had once lay there. That book was now on her dining table.

Hearing the door open, Cecilia took a deep breath. It would be Robbie's mother.

"Cecilia? Is that you?"

"In Robbie's room, Grace." Cecilia replied.

Moments later she was joined by Robbie's mother. Her face lit up when she saw the young lady whom her son loved. Cecilia however noticed how much the older woman had aged since her last visit leaving with a sense of hope for the both of them that Robbie would soon be home.

"I'm sorry I didn't come sooner." Cecilia responded with a bit of guilt in her tone. "Things are really picking up at the hospital. It's been hard to get away."

Grace Turner hugged the middle Tallis child. She had known the now grown young woman most of her life. "It's all right, dear. I knew you would come when you were ready." she replied softly knowing that the load at the hospital wasn't the only reason for the delay in her visit. "How did you learn ...?"

Pulling away and lead Grace down to where she had left her coat. She took out the bundle of letters she now kept in her inside pocket. She handed them to Robbie's mother. "A soldier came to my flat and gave me these. I want you to have them. I added the letters I received from Robbie to the bundle."

"I can't take these, Cee. They are your letters from him... yours to him."

"I want you to have them. I love Robbie, Grace. And Robbie loved me. I have the only letter I need at my flat." She replied clutching the letters in Grace's hands. "Please keep them safe. Something to remember us both by."

Grace smiled. "I will keep them close to my heart." She replied. "Can you stay for dinner?"

"I can. I don't have to report back to the hospital until tomorrow evening. I didn't expect to see you back so soon. I was going to prepare supper for the both of us."

"Betty sent me home early. Bless her heart. It's more work for her, but she knows I do not want to be near the present company." the older woman responded. "It's hard enough seeing Emily and Jack on a regular basis. Besides, you are much better company."

"I should hope so!" Cecilia teased.

** *

Cottage House Eastbourne

Robbie sat on a hill overlooking the cottage that gave him a view similar to the photo that Cecilia had given him. It was his favorite place since deciding that this was where he would wait for her. Occasionally he wandered the shores, frolicked in the waves, or went inside the cottage but today, he sat on the hill. They had planned to meet here until his leave was canceled.

A car pulled up to the cottage. Curious, Robbie watched as three young ladies exited and headed for the cottage. One had to be Cecilia's friend by the way one of them kept going on about what a 'lovely cottage' her friend had. Jane was the owner of the cottage.

"Oh, Jane! It's so lovely! The pictures just don't do it justice. It's so sad that Cecilia could not come here with her fiancé. She should have come with us today! She should not be alone." one of the young ladies went on. "It's not fair that he didn't make it home."

"She's been here before," Jane responded. "She came here regardless of him not being able to make it since she had arranged for the time off."

Robbie's heart warmed. Was that how Cecilia referred to him when talking with her friends? Her fiance?

"Imagine receiving word that all your dreams of happiness torn to pieces by learning that the man you love died overseas in this ridiculous war." Lydia continued. "She shouldn't be alone. You should have insisted she come with us, Jane!"

The third young lady sighed. "She won't be alone. Cecilia told me that she was going to her fiance's mother's house." she replied. "She had last seen her when they learned of the retreat to Dunkirk. They had a sense of hope then."

Robbie smiled. He was the fiance, not that he had any doubts but it was nice to hear it confirmed. Cecilia had written him about how she visited his mother. He walked about the house following the three young ladies. It was nice to hear their mindless chatter about 'girl things' and work at the hospital. He found himself smiling every time his beloved Cee was mentioned or 'her darling fiance'. 'My darling', he could hear her say. It was how Emily referred to her husband, something the Cecilia must have picked up from her mother. It was such a relief from the constant rambling of Nettle and the numbing silence of the rare occasions when Nettle didn't have anything to say as they trekked toward Dunkirk. He had heard nothing but his own voice in prison. And he had no sisters. His only other exposure to female chatter was that of Cecilia and her little sister, but being born ten years apart it consisted mostly of the older sister bossing the younger sister around or yelling at her to stop touching her things and to stop following her. Despite his hatred of the younger sister now, he could not help but snicker at the memory 'bossy Cecilia' and 'little Briony' tagging along behind. The sisters had been so close once. In fact, Cecilia had been close to both her older brother and younger sister.

It was getting dark when Robbie decided to move on. He had his fill of the girl chatter for a while. He would return once they were gone.

Standing over his mother sleeping in her favorite chair, Robbie smiled. He would often come home after working late to find her in the very same spot. He would wake her and help her to her room or draw her a hot bath. Tonight he could do none of that. He hoped that she was dreaming peacefully of happier times not of his death or of missing him. He kissed her on her forehead and wandered on through the house.

Nothing had changed. It was just as he left it that hot June afternoon a little over five years ago. Two sets of plates were soaking in the sink. He smiled. Cecilia must have stayed for dinner. He moved on to his study. His typewriter was still on his desk but his copy of Gray's Anatomy was missing. "Cecilia must have it," he mused. He was certain that his mother would not give any of his things away except to Cecilia.

Making his way to his bedroom he smiled seeing Cecilia sleeping peacefully in his bed. She was so very beautiful, so relaxed. He had never seen her like that before. Even as a child there was always an ere of confidence about her. Some would have called it conceit or snobbery, but Robbie never saw it that way. Yes, there was a bit of snobbery to the way she acted but it was the way she was raised. That night in the library, everything changed.

He sat down next to her sleeping form. She stirred and rolled over towards him. Could she sense that he was near? Was she dreaming of him?

"Cee, I'm here. I'll be waiting for you at the cottage." He brushed a strand of hair from her eyes. "Thanks for being here for my mother. I love you."

Cecilia's eyes opened. "Robbie?" she responded, then started to cry.

Robbie felt bad. He didn't like to see her cry. He has witnessed it too many times. He had seen her tears that day in the library when she feared that he did not feel the same way about her that she felt for him. He had seen her tears that night when he returned with the twins. He had seen her tears everyday of his trial as she sat there often alone in support of him. And he had seen her tears the day she received his letters learning of his death.

He stood up. "I'm sorry I disturbed you, Cee. Please don't cry. I'll wait for you. Look for me and you'll find me."

"I love you. Come back. Come back to me," she responded reaching out to where he had been sitting.

She could sense him. He was sure of it. He leaned over and kissed her on the cheek, then disappeared. It would be too painful for them if he remained. He would wait for her. He knew she would know where to look.

Cecilia touched her cheek, smiled and went back to sleep.

** *

Tallis House Lodge

Grace Turner whistled as she prepared breakfast for herself and Cecilia. It was so very nice to have company. She was glad that Cecilia could stay and did not have to rush away after dinner. They had played cards after dinner and laughed telling stories about earlier times.

She chuckled as a very groggy Cecilia shuffled into the kitchen wearing the robe belonging to Robbie that she had given her. She was reminded of the many times a groggy little Cecilia shuffled into the kitchen having slept in late and missing breakfast with her family. Robbie was always more than happy to share his oatmeal with her so little Cecilia sat down and ate with her and her little son.

"Good morning, Cee. Did you sleep well?" Grace asked.

Cecilia yawned. "I did. Thank you." she replied wondering what the older woman was chuckling about. She set the table while Grace finished up breakfast.

They ate quietly. Then Grace turned to Cecilia looking rather serious. Cecilia was concerned.

"Grace, is there something wrong?" She asked.

Grace took a deep breath. "You will probably think I'm just a crazy old woman, but I think Robbie was with us last night."

"You're not crazy. He was here." Cecilia replied. "I've felt him before, the day I learned of his death."

"You've felt him before?", she asked. The older woman sniffled. "Is my little boy doomed to wander the earth?"

"No. I think he's waiting for me. I promised I would wait for him. Granted I meant that I would wait until he was released from prison and later after he returned from the war... I'm sure he's waiting for me."

Grace smiled. She knew her son loved Cecilia. And it made her happy to see that Cecilia truly loved her son.

"Grace," Cecilia asked, "I'm going to go to the Sparrow Teahouse before I report to the hospital tonight. Would you like to join me? It's the last place I saw Robbie. I would love the company."

"I would love to join you, Cee."


	3. Look for me, and you'll find me

**Disclaimers:** All rights to owners. I gain nothing but my own amusement. If you sue me, you will end up with dust bunnies and cracker crumbs.

Apologies to Ian McEwan, who wrote a wonderful book, to Christopher Hampton, who wrote the script. Thank you to Joe Wright for his vision, and to Keira Knightley, James McAvoy and the rest of the cast for bringing Joe's vision to life.

**Notes:** Some images and references are taken from the novel, others from the movie. Some are taken from unused scenes in the script.

Forgiveness

by

Ninja Elizabeth

**Chapter 3**

**Look for me and you'll find me**

15 October 1940, Dudley Villas, Balham

Cecilia ignored her landlady as she stumbled up the stairs to her door. Fumbling though her coat pockets, she looked for her keys.

"Well! It's about time you came home, Tallis." Mrs. Jarvis replied. She had the type of voice that if she wanted you to hear her, you did and that did not sit well with Cecilia at the moment. She was tired and just wanted to go to her room. "I am not your secretary."

"What on earth are you rambling about?" Cecilia replied. "I am not in the mood for your chatter. I've spent the last three days at the hospital and I just want to take a hot bath and sleep in my bed."

Unfazed, Mrs. Jarvis continued. "Your brother came to see you." She replied. "I told him you hadn't been home in days . . . probably ran off with some lonely soldier. Nice fellow. You should be more like him."

"Kindly keep your opinions about my family to yourself, Mrs. Jarvis. And I don't appreciate you speculating about my personal life, especially to my wretched family members." Cecilia replied she knew to deaf ears. "You needn't worry about me for much longer. I'll be leaving at the end of the month." She found her keys and opened her door.

"He left something for you."

Cecilia entered her apartment stepping over an envelope on the floor addressed to her. Curse her wretched little sister. She must have given her address to her brother. Right now she did not feel like making the effort to stop, bend over and pick it up. Her bed was calling.

***

She had finally managed to drift off to a peaceful sleep when a bomb blast rocked the building knocking her off her bed. Almost by instinct, Cecilia got up, grabbed her sweater and coat and ran from her bedroom. She stopped at the kitchen to see that the copy of Gray's Anatomy had fallen to the floor, open to the pages describing the woman's vagina, exposing a handwritten letter tucked in between its pages.

Cecilia paused, bent over, made sure the letter was tucked in securely and closed the book as she picked it up, taking it with her. So much for a soak in a hot bath and change of clothes, she thought to herself as the air raid sirens began to blare loudly. She rushed out of her flat to the underground tube station. The streets would be full of panicked civilians by now.

The smell of the nearby blast was instantly recognizable. Smoke from the fires as well as the smell of death if one, such as a Ward Sister at an EMS hospital, knew what it smelled like filled the air. The emergency personnel tried to maintain order on the streets but it was almost hopeless.

Upon making it to the tube station, Cecilia pushed her way to the front through the crowd. Being a nurse had her advantages. She had the right to go to the front of the emergency lines to help with the wounded and sick. She felt a bit guilty for all she really wanted to get into the makeshift shelter and try to sleep.

At the front she checked in by showing her ID card and was allowed inside. She did her duty by checking in with the emergency personnel in the tube station.

"Sister Tallis! You've escaped!" The young nurse assisting the head doctor replied. "I can't believe they let you out!"

Cecilia chuckled recognizing the voice of the always cheerful Nurse Bennet. "Yes, I escaped. I was trapped for three days. I never did get my bath. I had just fallen asleep when the bomb hit."

Nurse Bennet turned to the doctor beside her. "Oh please, doctor, let Sister Tallis get some rest? I work with her at the EMS. She's been there for three days!"

The doctor nodded. He knew that everyone was being overworked. "Tell me, Sister. Is this nurse always like this?"

Nurse Bennet blushed. Cecilia smiled. "Yes. But rest assured, doctor, she is a very good nurse. I don't think we've ever had to discipline her for her behavior, or saying the wrong thing."

"That is good to hear. I've enjoyed her company." The doctor replied. "Find a space, get some rest. If I need you, I'll send Nurse Bennet to find you."

Cecilia was relieved. She knew that she really did need some rest. She wasn't sure she could get it in the tube station, but at least she could try. She wandered down the tube and found a place to lay. She used her sweater as a pillow and her coat as a blanket to cover her legs. The station smelled worse than usual as she lay on the cement platform.

She opened the copy of Gray's Anatomy and turned to the pages describing the woman's vagina. She always thought it was funny that this was where Robbie had left the letter he meant to send. Grace had told her that she had found the letter on top of those pages so she kept the letter there. No wonder he wrote what he did. It made her smile. She sometimes wondered if he typed the letter he sent by mistake before or after he wrote the letter now pressed between the pages. She unfolded the letter and read it to herself, hearing Robbie's voice as she read. She actually knew the words on the page by heart, but she liked to look at the words that Robbie had hand written that day. "Dear Cecilia, You'd be forgiven for thinking me mad for the way I acted this afternoon. The truth is I feel rather light-headed and foolish in your presence, Cee, and I don't think I can blame the heat. Will you forgive me? Robbie."

She kissed her finger tips and ran them across the page ever so gently. "I love you, darling." She replied softly before placing the letter back between the pages of the book.

She had gone though the events of that fateful day so many times over the years from the moment Robbie was accused and the police were called to only a day or so ago. Who was to blame? Could it have been avoided? If she hadn't been such a snob and just told him how she felt . . . How was Robbie supposed to even know that she liked him after the way she treated him? She certainly didn't give any indication, or did she? What did Leon think she would see in Paul Marshall anyway? She knew that there was more to bringing him home to merely show off his rich friends. If he had not invited him there would have been any reason to bring out uncle Clem's vase. Damn Leon for inviting Robbie to dinner.

When she had exhausted what, she thought was every single angle, ever single points of view she always came down to one single conclusion. Briony. She hated that name. She hated every syllable. She hated the fact that she found her address and dared to write her, and not only that give the address to Leon. She hated the fact that she was now a nurse. It made her cringe every time someone asked her if she had a sister. She hated the fact that she had not gone up to Cambridge and followed her into nursing. Damn her. She hated her for her little stories. Damn her.

Cecilia tried to sleep, but she was restless. The sounds of the bombing although somewhat muffled from being underground could not be ignored. It made her uneasy. Then there was the tingling sensation in her legs that was on the verge of driving her mad. A young boy had decided to make her legs his pillow causing her legs to fall asleep.

There was a loud blast, louder than before, followed by an eerie silence. The lights flickered. They had not done that before. Cecilia sat up. Then they heard it, the sound of water, fast rushing water. The water mains had broken. They were doomed. A state of panic overwhelmed the tube station.

Cecilia found herself surprisingly calm as she grabbed for her coat and sweater. She looked for Robbie's copy of Gray's Anatomy only to find that it had been kicked just beyond her reach in the panic just as the wall of water slammed into her.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. There was no point in struggling . . .

... "Robbie?" Cecilia called out to a uniformed figure standing a few feet away from her. "Darling, is that you?"

The figure laughed as he came into focus. It was a hearty laugh, not the funny little giggle sound that Robbie made. "Not Robbie, I'm afraid," the figure replied as he came into focus. "I'm sorry. But he is waiting for you. You must be Cecilia."

Cecilia immediately recognized the man by his uncanny resemblance to her father. She was confused. Why was her Uncle Clem coming for her? "Uncle Clem," she replied sheepishly, "I'm sorry I broke your vase."

Uncle Clem laughed. It was a laugh so much not at all like his brother, her father. "I forgive you, Cecilia, but you are not the one who needs forgiving. Take care of yourself."

Her uncle began to fade away. Cecilia began to panic. She began to choke and gag. "Wait! Come back! Come back to me!" She screamed to no avail. Her uncle continued to fade. She tried to calm herself. "Robbie . . . come back. Come back to me . . . "

"Look for me and you'll find me . . . "

** *

Her life began playing back . . . groggy and hungry from missing breakfast with her family and walking into the kitchen to find Robbie and his mother eating. Robbie smiling at her offering to share his bowl of oatmeal with her. Running through the fallen autumn leaves with Robbie and her brother. Going up to Cambridge and feeling awkward. Watching Robbie from the window rolling a cigarette and deciding to walk past him. The tug of war at the fountain. The library. The trial. The last day she saw him giving him the picture of her friend's cottage . . .

Cecilia found herself standing in the kitchen of her friend's cottage. It was just as it was during her visit, alone. She looked out the kitchen window and could see someone frolicking in the waves running back and fourth trying not to get his feet wet.

She went out the back door and headed toward the shore. As she got closer, she could see that it was a soldier. He wasn't as tall and stocky as her Uncle Clem, whom she had met only moments before. That meant the soldier before her had to be –

"Robbie!" Cecilia screamed surprising herself with her excitement as she ran toward him.

The soldier stopped his shoreline frolic only to get hit by a large wave. He smiled and welcomed the beautiful young woman running toward him with open arms.

"Cecilia!" he responded as he took her into his arms and began to spin around and around until he was too dizzy to stand.

Falling to the ground in a dizzy laughing heap the two reunited lovers could do nothing more than just laugh and hold each other tightly, not wanting to let go. They were together again, at last and nothing would tear them apart.


	4. Life goes on

Apologies to Ian McEwan, who wrote a wonderful book, to Christopher Hampton, who wrote the script. Thank you to Joe Wright for his vision, and to Keira Knightley, James McAvoy and the rest of the cast for bringing Joe's vision to life.

**Notes:** Some images and references are taken from the novel, others from the movie. Some are taken from unused scenes in the script. Some obviously for this work of fan fiction.

Forgiveness

by

Ninja Elizabeth

**Chapter 4**

**Life goes on**

25 December 1940, Tallis House

Emily Tallis emerged from her bedroom. Her migraine still raged but she felt it was necessary to play hostess. She had after all insisted on having everyone for Christmas dinner. Her thoughts turned to Cecilia, her second child and eldest daughter. She would always take on the hostess duties without question, although she knew she was somewhat reluctant, she never complained. Christmas had always been one of her favorite holidays. She was always so thoughtful in the gifts she chose for each family member. She was the only one of her children she allowed to comfort her when she had one of her migraines. Cecilia was the most like her and probably suffered herself. But her little girl had a stubborn side as well. It was that stubbornness that often put a rift in their otherwise loving relationship of mother and daughter.

She stumbled against the banister at the head of the stairs and rubbed her throbbing temples. Smoke. She smelled cigarette smoked and whipped around to face an empty hallway. She laughed to herself realizing that her first reaction was to yell at Cecilia. The door to Cecilia's room had been locked since the day she left home almost five years ago. She felt a little silly turning to yell at Cecilia but she smelled smoke. She was sure of it. She wiped a tear from her eye and continued down the stairs. She missed her daughter ever since she left home. She admired her for her stubbornness and love in her defense of Robbie. She knew her daughter liked the young man but never realized just how much until that day in the courthouse. Nothing was more heartbreaking than to hear usually strong and defiantly confident daughter break down in tears when the guilty verdict was read. Now there was no chance of ever telling her daughter just how much she loved her as she had learned that she had died in the underground tube station of Balham.

That was one of the reasons she had made such an effort to surround herself with family for the holiday despite the war going on. She would never get the chance to see her Little Cee again. Leon had arrived. As did her niece and her husband Paul Marshall. Her nephews Jackson and Pierrot had learned to call the Tallis household home since their attempt to run away. Briony had called at three am as she was getting off her shift to wish her a Merry Christmas. The hospitals were swamped. Her husband Jack was the only holdout. He was as he said stuck at the Ministry when he phoned. With the bombings everybody had to remain and work. Something didn't feel right to Emily. How could he just brush off the family like that? Cecilia was dead. She died because as a result of the war. He could have at least asked. So she decided to ring up the Ministry to attempt to protest and get him home for the holiday only to find that the Ministry had been closed due to the bombings. What she had suspected for a long time was now confirmed. It saddened her but she decided instead to focus on the family she had. She had even renewed her friendship with Robbie's mother Grace after learning of his death. She would be joining them for dinner.

She entered the drawing room with a smile on her face as she was happily greeted by her son. He asked her if he could mix her a drink or if she wanted a mug of Paul's hot rum and chocolate.

"Gin and tonic," she found herself saying and then chuckled to herself. She had never fancied gin too much but it was Cecilia's favorite.

***

Robbie found Cecilia sitting on the stairs smoking a cigarette. He chuckled. "Cee, you know you are not supposed to be smoking on the stairs."

"I wasn't supposed to smoke in the house but that never stopped me from lighting up in my room." Cecilia responded. "And how do you know I'm not supposed to be smoking on the stairs?"

"My mother used to come home complaining about your mother complaining to her about your smoking." Robbie replied. "Sometimes she blamed me for getting you hooked."

"It's not your fault." she replied reassuring him. Cecilia changed the subject. "Did you enjoy your tour of the house?"

"I did. I never realized how big this house was. How did you not get lost?" Robbie asked.

"Who says I didn't?" Cecilia laughed. "Unlike Leon however, I figured out that if I went into the service tunnels, I would end up in the kitchen, or the linen room. I usually found your mother there and she helped me find my way to where I wanted to go. You didn't go into my room did you?"

Robbie shook his head. "You asked me not to. What are you hiding, Cee? You've been in my room. You even slept in my bed!"

Cecilia smiled. "Only once. You were there that night, weren't you?" She asked.

"I was." Robbie replied. "I was there the day you heard of my death as well. I wanted to comfort you, but I couldn't."

"I thought I felt you." Cecilia replied. "If you really want to look inside my room, you can. I have nothing to hide from you. But it doesn't look like my room now. I cleaned it before I left home."

Robbie gasped. "You cleaned?! I heard about how you kept your room." He responded. "It would be no fun if you cleaned it. Let's go to the library instead and have sex!"

"Robbie! Someone might hear us!"

"We're ghosts. We can do anything."

Cecilia playfully hit him across the chest. "You're impossible!"

Robbie pouted and walked away toward the kitchen like a defeated little boy. Cecilia laughed and followed him.

In the kitchen, Betty still ran a very tight ship. There were new younger faces in the kitchen but there was little doubt about who was in charge.

Grace Turner sat diligently polishing the silver. She was still the best at it so the job was hers. Betty told her that since she had been invited for dinner with the family she did not have to help out in the kitchen, but Grace insisted. Betty noticed that she did things a little differently than she usually did. Rather than just pick up and polish as she went, Grace seemed to be saving all the spoons for the last.

A roast cooked in the oven.

Robbie and Cecilia entered the kitchen. Cecilia took in the aroma of the roast. She always loved the aroma of a roast cooking in the oven far more than actually eating it. Leon was the one who always loved a finely cooked roast. It made a far better meal for a cold Christmas dinner than it did on a hot summer day. But Cecilia had insisted on having one on that summer day for Leon's sake because of his fondness of the meal.

Robbie moved behind his mother as she polished the first of the spoons that she had left. She shivered as he passed. She whipped around thinking that she had seen something reflecting in the spoon but saw nothing. She smiled and then returned to her polishing. Robbie smiled.

Cecilia started to laugh as Betty scolded a couple of the younger girls. Giggles erupted from a few of the others as Betty walked away frustrated.

"What's so funny, Cee?" Robbie asked wrapping his arms around her from behind. "What's gotten Betty so frustrated?"

"Oh, Betty, lighten up!" one of the younger girls responded. "It's true! I don't care if Mr. Marshall is a millionaire. If he's so rich then he should be able to afford to pay someone to pluck the pubic hair growing from his nose and ears!"

The other girls giggled.

"And those poor soldiers!" another girl added dramatically placing her hand to her forehead. "Having to carry the extra weight of those awful 'Ammo Bars' in their packs."

"That is enough!" Betty screamed.

Cecilia snuggled into Robbie before turning to face him. "That was my first impression of him." she laughed. "I told Leon that he certainly thought he was the cat's pajamas considering he had pubic hair growing out of his ears."

Feeling a little self conscious, Robbie stuck a finger in his ear. Did he have unsightly hair growing out of his ears too?

Cecilia snorted. "Don't worry, darling. You don't have hair growing out of your ears, or any where else that would be considered unsightly." she responded kissing him on the cheek.

"She's right about his chocolate though," Robbie replied removing his finger. "The sugar casing was hard as a rock and much too sweet. When you did manage to bite through it your teeth stuck together. Because of the heat, the chocolate was usually melted. And it didn't taste very good."

She cringed at her own memory. "You should try his 'absolutely scrumptious chocktail' made with rum and melted dark chocolate."

Robbie made a face. "Oh, sounds absolutely delicious," he replied sarcastically. "I don't know what would be worse. Hot or cold?"

"You're lucky. He's not related to you." Cecilia replied. "Although, if we had married he would be."

"Related? I thought he was Leon's friend."

"He is. But he's married to my stupid cousin Lola now." Cecilia replied with disgust. "I suppose that is why he's here for Christmas dinner."

Robbie sighed. He knew that Leon was always trying to set his sister up with one of his rich friends. "Cee, had things happened differently... had the twins not run away..."

"Would I have accepted a proposal from him?" Cecilia finished. "I honestly don't know."

"You don't know?" Robbie asked sounding a bit hurt. He had expected Cecilia to say something along the lines of 'Oh, don't be silly, darling. You know my heart belonged to you'... He could hear her say 'darling' the same way her mother called her father 'darling' every time he read the word in her letters.

"I'm sorry, Robbie. I was being honest. I can't say what I would have done." She answered. "Did I want to marry him? No. Did I even want to be married? I don't know. I supposed I felt as though it was a sense of duty... and would have said 'yes'. But things happened the way they did for a reason, darling. As painful as it was, we are together now, and that is all that matters."

Robbie smiled and took her by the hand. He led her outside toward the fountain. He knew how much her family meant to her. He knew how hard it must have been for her to leave them behind and turn her back on them. He could hardly believe it when his mother told him that she had left home during one of her visits while he was in prison.

As they walked across the grounds to the fountain, Robbie walked a circle around Cecilia to admire her much like he did that fateful afternoon and Cecilia laughed. He loved to hear her laugh. He loved the way her dress flowed behind her. He loved everything about her. He loved her.

Reaching the fountain Cecilia stood on the edge as though ready to jump in. "Triton's arm is missing," she replied climbing down to sit next to Robbie. "I wonder what happened to it..."

Robbie shrugged. The awkwardness of that fateful summer day was gone. They sat together comfortably as they were meant to be. They were no longer 'the eldest daughter' and 'the charlady's son', they were simply 'Robbie and Cecilia'.

Looking into the nearly frozen murky water of the fountain, Cecilia groaned. "I can't believe I took my clothes off in front of you just to retrieve that silly piece of the vase." She chuckled. "What was I thinking?"

"I didn't mind." Robbie teased. "Saved me the trouble. Although the water would have felt nice, and you did look fantastic when you came out."

Cecilia turned and glared at him. "What do you mean I looked 'fantastic'?" she asked in a very serious tone. "Just what did you see?"

Robbie turned red and swallowed nervously. He had never seen a look on Cecilia's face like that before. Relax, he told himself. She's teasing you. Think about it, Turner. She let you feel between her legs in the library. It wasn't working. He tried to speak but only a pathetic little squeak came out.

Her glare did not waver. "You did! You saw something that day when I stood before you in my wet underclothes, didn't you?" she continued still in her 'Ward Sister' mode.

More squeaks. Cecilia burst out laughing and cupped Robbie's cheek before kissing him passionately. Robbie relaxed as they kissed. When they parted Cecilia was smiling at him.

"Cee?"

"Yes, darling?"

"Promise me you will never look at me like that again."

She smiled and kissed him. "I promise."

Robbie looked down at the murky water. "So this is where it all started, isn't it?" he replied. "Both of us were so foolish that afternoon, weren't we?"

Cecilia looked back toward the house at the steps where Robbie had been sitting rolling a cigarette, then toward her sister's bedroom window. "No," she responded. "It all began in the drawing room with my ridiculous decision to fill the vase in the fountain when I could have easily filled it in the kitchen just to have an excuse to walk past you."

Robbie snickered. "I always wondered why you were filling the vase in the fountain."

"And the only reason I asked you for a cigarette was because I lost my nerve to talk to you once I made it outside."

The two of them looked at each other lovingly, then burst out laughing.

Once he composed himself, Robbie knelt down before Cecilia and took her left hand in his. He looked her in the eyes. "Cecilia?"

"Robbie..."

"Will you marry me?"

Cecilia felt like crying. She had waited so long to hear him ask her. "Yes." she replied with conviction. "I will."

Robbie kissed her. "Merry Christmas, Cee."

"Merry Christmas, Robbie."


	5. Letting Go : Ghost Part 2

Apologies to Ian McEwan, who wrote a wonderful book, to Christopher Hampton, who wrote the script. Thank you to Joe Wright for his vision, and to Keira Knightley, James McAvoy and the rest of the cast for bringing Joe's vision to life.

**Notes:** Some images and references are taken from the novel, others from the movie. Some are taken from unused scenes in the script. Some obviously for this work of fan fiction.

Forgiveness

by

Ninja Elizabeth

**Chapter 5**

**Letting Go/Ghost Part 2**

1972, Tallis House, Emily's room

Leon sat alone with his mother after chasing every one out of the room. They had all said their good-byes, now it was his turn. She looked so tired, yet peaceful as she lay in her bed. She had asked him to bring her home when the doctors had told her that she didn't have much longer to live. She never liked the hospital. The very thought of dying in a cold impersonal hospital bed made her sick. She wanted to be at home, in her own bed surrounded by her family.

Emily never realized how important family was until 1935. Her eldest son lived on his own. Her eldest daughter was primed to leave or find herself a nice husband. She had graduated from Cambridge. She knew how disappointed her daughter was with her third, especially since Robbie, the housekeeper's son, finished with a first. But Emily was so very proud of her. Cambridge. She had once harbored dreams of her own to attend Cambridge. Her sister, Hermione had left her husband and her children. Cecil had no intentions of raising the children so her sister left them with her. She had thought that her family would come together that summer. Her husband would come home more often to help out with the twins. Perhaps mold them into everything Leon was not. She had hoped that her niece Lola would help bring her youngest out of her fantasy worlds. But everything went wrong... so very wrong. Robbie was accused of raping her niece. Her daughter Cecilia staunchly stood by the young man. She never realized how much her daughter had loved him until she heard her screams that day in the courtroom when the verdict was handed down. She turned here back one final time on the family who had turned against the man she loved when she packed her things and left home. She only caught glimpses of her a couple of times when she had come to the grounds to visit Grace. It had taken her a while to come to grips of the nature of the crime. Only then did she realize that there was no way that Robbie Turner could have done such a thing. As much as Cecilia loved and stood by him, he truly loved her daughter. It had taken her a while to gather up the courage to talk to Grace about Robbie and Cecilia, but it wasn't until learning of Robbie's death that she began to rekindle the relationship she once had with the housekeeper and welcomed her as family. She was glad she did as four months later she learned that Cecilia was killed when the bombs fell in Balamb. After the war, her husband left her. What did she do wrong?

Tears rolled down his mother's cheeks as he turned to look at her. He took her hand in his. "Emily," he replied. They had always called her by her name. It had been at her insistence. It just seemed so wrong now. He started over. "Mother." That was better. "Briony sends her love. The flowers on your night stand are from her. Her latest book is doing really well in America. She will be here soon."

Emily squeezed her son's hand. She was glad that she had been well enough to go to the airport to see her youngest off as she made her trip to America to promote her latest novel for she knew now that she would not see when she returned home. She gave her son a smile and closed her eyes.

Leon choked back his tears as he felt his mother's grip weaken. At that moment he knew that she had moved on. She was at peace. He did not have the heart to cover her head. Instead he chose to cover her eyes with one of the eye masks she often used to block out the light when a migraine struck her. He wanted her to be comfortable. He made a note of the time and kissed her on the cheek. He then stood up and went out to inform everybody else of Emily's passing.

******

Emily opened her eyes to find herself surrounded by nothingness. It was nothing like what she expected, yet in a way exactly what she expected. She was never really close to her own parents. Her eldest daughter who had died in the second World War had left home turning her back on the family. And her husband who had preceded her in death had left her for another woman. Of course there would be nothing, no one to greet her.

She felt a tinge of sadness as a figure approached her from the nothingness. At first she thought as though she was looking at a younger version of herself until she noticed the dress. The young woman looked radiant as she approached her with her green halter gown flowing in the wind meant only for the sake of gently waving the fabric of the dress. A young man with short brown hair and blue eyes wearing his best suit stood behind the young woman holding her hand. Emily could not believe her eyes.

"Cecilia?" she asked still not believing that her daughter had come to greet her.

"Hello, mother." Cecilia replied.

Emily smiled. Cecilia was the only one who called her 'mother' if only when they were alone and she was tending to her but as her daughter grew older they spent less and less time together as mother and daughter. "My little Cee, have you come for me?"

Cecilia shook her head.

Emily turned to the young man beside her daughter. "Robbie, I'm so sorry."

"It's all right. I forgive you." Robbie replied.

"We both do," Cecilia responded. "I'm sorry for the way I left, but I just hated all of you for turning on Robbie so quickly. But that's all in the past now. I forgive you, mother."

Emily hugged her daughter. "Are we to be together again?" she asked. "I've missed you so much over the years."

"Not yet, Emily," a familiar male voice replied. "They have not yet earned their place."

"Clem!" she responded in surprise pulling away from her daughter noticing the World War I soldier emerging from the nothingness. "What on Earth are you doing here?"

He laughed boisterously. "I've come for you, silly." He replied offering his sister-in-law his arm. "My brother was an idiot for leaving a fine lady such as yourself. Come, my dear."

Emily took her brother-in-law's hand. She looked back at her daughter and her lover as they past them. "What about Robbie and Cecilia?"

"They will join us when they are ready," Clem replied.

Emily nodded and understood.

Robbie and Cecilia watched as they disappeared.

********

Tallis House, a few days later

Leon sat on the terrace lounging next to his sister Briony who had cut her North American book tour short to come home to attend their mother's funeral.

"Do you think we did the right thing, Leon? Keeping the truth from her?" Briony asked.

"In the end, I don't think she believed Robbie did it, but I think what hurt her the most was not being able to see Cee again." her older brother replied. "I don't know how it would have effected her to learn that she had allowed her niece to marry her attacker, so I think we did the right thing in the end."

Briony sighed. It was her fault. Leon didn't judge her however. He felt just as badly as she did. He was the one who brought him into the house. From the corner of her eye, Briony thought she saw something at the fountain, but when she glanced up to get a better look, she saw nothing.

"Briony, what's wrong?" Leon asked.

"Nothing." she responded. "I thought I saw somew– something."

*****

Robbie and Cecilia walked hand in hand as they approached the natural pool. Over the years they had spent their days at the cottage by the shore, or exploring the world. It was painful for them to stay at the house. They returned only on special occasions such as Christmas, the first day of Summer, Emily's birthday, and Grace's birthday. They had returned to the house after seeing Emily off and decided to explore the grounds. With both Briony and Leon living on their own they wondered what would become of the house. Did Cecilia's father leave it to Leon? Would he sell it now that their mother was gone? Emily always loved the house. Robbie and Cecilia wanted to take it in one last time.

They reached the favorite 'jumping off spot' and Robbie chuckled. "You always hated coming here. You never liked to swim with us. Leon loved swimming here. Even Briony. But you never did."

Cecilia laughed. "It wasn't that I didn't enjoy swimming here. I was just always paranoid that you and Leon would gang up with me and take my clothes, or he would leave me here and I would get lost and nobody would find me for days."

"Are you serious, Cee? I'm the one who should have been paranoid. The servant's son playing with the master's children." Robbie replied.

"But you lived near here. You could have easily gotten home with or with out your clothes without being seen. I would have had to go out into the open, along the Surrey Path or through the bushes with all those bugs and flying insects." Cecilia responded. "And Leon did leave me behind once, remember? You found me in the woods crying and helped me home. I never did thank you for that and not telling anybody that I had been crying. Did you really need a can for worms?"

Robbie smiled. He remembered that day. Cecilia held his hand as they walked the Surrey Path to the house. He was happy. He was only 9 years old but he knew he was in love. "No, but it seemed like a good thing to ask for. And you are welcome, Cee."

********

"Sis-cilia! Help! I fell in a hole!" A young boy cried out.

A moment later the face of his sister appeared above him laughing at him. "Robbie, you are such a dork!" She pinched her nose. "And you stink!"

"Not fair! It stinks in here. Help me out." Robbie replied.

Try as she might, the little girl could not reach her brother. "It's too deep. I'm going to get papa." She disappeared.

"Cecilia! NO!" Robbie screamed. His sister's head appeared again. "If you get papa he will know we were playing where he told us not to!"

Cecilia started to cry. "Then how am I supposed to get you out? I can't reach you."

Robbie felt somebody else in the hole with him. For some reason he did not panic. He felt safe. At the same time, Cecilia felt somebody behind her comforting her. Like her brother she did not feel frightened at all.

'It's all right, little fella." a young man replied. "We'll get you out. Cee, I'm going to lift him up, can you grab him?"

Little Robbie found himself being lifted up and grabbed by a young woman who looked like a younger version of his Nana. He was out of the hole. His sister was holding her nose.

"Ew, Robbie, you stink." She replied.

He laughed. "You should smell it down in the hole."

"No thank you."

The two children then turned to the young boy's rescuers. The young man was dressed in a pale blue work shirt and dark grey trousers. Little Cecilia thought he had pretty blue eyes. The young woman was dressed in a checked patterned skirt and pale blouse with a flower pattern.

"Thank you for helping me out of the hole, mister." Little Robbie replied.

"You are welcome." the young man responded with a polite voice.

Despite hearing her father's voice in her head telling her not to talk to strangers, little Cecilia felt that the rescuers were not strangers. She turned to the young man with pretty blue eyes. "What's your name?" She asked.

"My name is Robbie," the young man replied. "And this is my wife Cecilia."

Little Robbie laughed. "Hey! That's our names!" He responded turning to the young woman. "I know who you are! You're our Auntie Cee! Papa talks about you."

"Your father? Leon?" Cecilia asked.

"Yup." Little Robbie replied.

Little Cecilia smiled. "You're ghosts!" She responded calmly. She then turned a little sad. "Nana died. Did you see her? She talked about you too. She told us that you were around the house sometimes. She could smell you smoking on the stairs, Auntie Cee. You weren't supposed to do that."

Robbie laughed. Cecilia glared at him then turned to her little namesake. "My mother told you that?"

"Yup," the little girl replied. "I smelled it too sometimes."

Cecilia laughed. "Well, your Nana is in heaven now and doing just fine. We saw her."

The little ones were happy.

Little Robbie squirmed. He didn't like to be dirty, and he smelled.

Robbie looked toward the house. "Come along. Your father will be worried."

"But I'm all dirty and I stink. Papa will know I've been up to something." Little Robbie pouted.

Cecilia chuckled. "I have an idea. Something that I've always wanted to do but never dared."

********

Leon entered the kitchen only to be greeted by his screaming worried wife. She was ranting about the children. He wondered what was wrong now. He could never understand her when she was screaming and carrying one in hysterics. He tried to calm her down but it only made it worse.

"How can you be so calm! Leon, the children are missing!" She responded. "What if they have been kidnapped! What if they have been eaten by some creature in the woods! Our babies are missing and you don't care!"

"Honestly, Ellen, relax." Leon replied. "They will turn up. My sister and I used to go into the woods all the time. But if it will make you feel better, you search the house, and Briony and I will search the woods."

Briony entered just as Leon spoke her name. Ellen was ranting again.

"I hate this house! It's haunted." A new thought of dread filled her mind. "Oh my goodness, Leon! What if the ghosts have taken our precious little babies to hell?" She started to 'cry'.

Leon sighed. "Ellen, the ghosts haven't taken our children to hell, I assure you." He tried not to laugh as it would only upset his hysterical wife.

Ellen went running off. Briony turned to her brother.

"Where do we start?" Briony asked.

"Outside. They love playing outside. I told them to stay in the house, but I'm sure they didn't listen and went out." Leon chuckled. He recalled the countless times he and Cecilia went outside to play with Robbie when they were supposed to stay in the house.

As they left the house at the back that led to the terrace, a different search replayed through Briony's mind. It was a search years ago for a very different set of twins... a search that still haunted her. She replayed that search in her mind so many times, trying to convince herself that she had told the truth but each time it replayed the face got clearer and clearer and clearly was not Robbie. She tried to convince herself that she was saving her sister from a monster, but it was she who was the monster.

Briony froze on the steps that led down to the garden. Leon nearly ran into her. There at the Triton fountain were Leon's youngest, frolicking in the fountain with two familiar figures... a young lady dressed in a patterned skirt and flowered blouse and the other a young man in a pale blue work shirt and grey trousers.

"Briony, why did you stop?" Leon asked shaking his head. There were his children, playing in the fountain. "Go inside and fetch some towels."

She turned to her brother. "Leon, don't you see them" she asked.

"Robbie and Cecilia? Of course. Go and get them some towels."

"No, I mea--", Briony looked back to the fountain. The two figures were gone. Only Leon's two children were in the fountain. Had she just imagined them?

"Briony, what are you waiting for. I don't want them to catch cold." Leon replied like the responsible parent he was.

*******

Seeing their father approaching the fountain, the two little ones stepped out to wait for him. They were excited and couldn't wait to tell him what happened. The fact that they were doing something that they weren't supposed to do simply disappeared. They weren't at all worried about their father punishing them.

Leon excepted hugs from his children despite them being soaking wet. He was a little surprised by their reaction. "What were the two of you doing playing in the fountain?" he asked. "You know Nana didn't allow that."

"But, Papa, Robbie fell in a stinky hole," his daughter replied. "We weren't playing in it. We were cleaning up!"

Little Robbie laughed. "The fountain water stinks too but not as bad as the stinky hole."

Leon looked at his son. "You fell in the stinky hole?" He remembered falling in the hole when he was younger and his sister and Robbie teased him before leaving him alone while they went for help. "How did you get out?"

"Robbie lifted him out!" Little Cecilia replied. "Auntie Cee told us that you fell in the hole and you cried!"

"I didn't cry." Little Robbie responded proudly.

Leon smiled at his son. His two youngest reminded him most of how he and his sister were when they were their age. "And what else did your Auntie Cee tell you? Did she tell you that we weren't supposed to play in the fountain?"

"Yes!" Little Cecilia replied. "She's the one who told us to wash up in the fountain!"

"She and Robbie were playing too but when you and Aunt Briony came out they left." Little Robbie added.

"Auntie Cee said that she once took of her clothes and went into the fountain in her underwear to fetch a piece of a vase that she broke!"

The little ones giggled. Leon tried to laugh. He looked around the grounds trying to cath a glimpse of his sister and her lover but they were nowhere in sight. He had never woken up to find things had been moved about as Briony reported, or smelled the cigarettes that his mother reported but he never doubted them. He only wished that he could see them. He felt a little sad.

"Papa," his little girl replied tugging on his pant leg. "Don't be sad. Auntie Cee said to tell you that she got your letter but never got the chance to open it. It was on the floor but she was too tired to pick it up."

"Then she died." Little Robbie added. "She said she saw Nana. She's in heaven now."

"And she forgives you. Robbie does too." Little Cecilia replied.

Leon nodded. "I only wished I could have seen them too."

Little Robbie pointed to Briony who was approaching them with some towels in hand. "It's Aunt Briony's fault."

The conversation stopped as Briony arrived. Leon and Briony wrapped the children up and they went back toward the house. At the edge of the forest, two figures watched.


	6. Forgiveness

Apologies to Ian McEwan, who wrote a wonderful book, to Christopher Hampton, who wrote the script. Thank you to Joe Wright for his vision, and to Keira Knightley, James McAvoy and the rest of the cast for bringing Joe's vision to life.

**Notes:** Some images and references are taken from the novel, others from the movie. Some are taken from unused scenes in the script. Some obviously for this work of fan fiction.

This is the final chapter. I can finally reveal the inspiration for this whole thing, an interview with James and Keira about a particular scene. Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed my story.

Forgiveness

by

Ninja Elizabeth

**Chapter 6**

**Forgiveness**

1999 Venus Room, Tilney Hotel, dusk

Briony sat by the window overlooking the grounds. The room she occupied she had known as 'Auntie Venus' room' was now dubbed simply the 'Venus Room' and had been decorated in an elegant goddess motif. She wasn't at all surprised that it was the room that had been reserved for her as it was the room with the best view of in the house, over the lake, the driveway, the woods and the hills beyond. It was strange for her to walk the familiar halls to find numbers on the now locked doors. Her old room was number 7.

The infamous fountain was gone. The woods that surrounded the bungalow that once belonged to Grace Turner were still there and the bungalow itself was now a storage shed. Earlier in the day she had seen the hotel grounds keepers in their bright yellow shirts driving their clean white golf carts tending to the golf course and gardens. She couldn't help but remember Robbie dressed in his pale blue work shirts pushing the squeaky wheel barrel.

Sometimes she wondered why she remembered and forgot what she did. She could remember the details of that hot summer afternoon in the summer of 1935 as she lay on the grass near the fountain with her sister Cecilia as she struggled to get into her book Clarissa by Richardson and herself contemplating if writing a play for the arrival of their older brother Leon was the right thing to do, yet she had no recollection of what she had for breakfast. She knew she ate breakfast. Her secretary would have made sure of it. In fact it was probably the same thing she ate the previous morning but could not remember.

A cruel trick of the Gods, she mused. Torture. Revenge. Call it what you will. Take away what she considered her lively hood and treasured the most, but allow her to keep and remember what she wished she could forget or do without.

There was a knock on the door and Briony happily tore herself away from the memories of that fateful afternoon to answer it.

"Happy Birthday, Briony." the red haired young man at the door replied.

"Thank you, Charles," Briony responded taking the arm of the organizer of the party to celebrate both her 77th birthday and release of her 21st novel.

"Are you ready?" the grandson of her cousin Pierrot asked as they left the room.

"Ready as ever." she replied. It would probably be the last gathering she was going to be able to attend. She could already feel her body betraying her, her mind slipping away.

As they descended the grand staircase, Briony took a deep breath hoping to smell something familiar from the past. Instead she got a noseful of new carpet that had been laid over the black and white tiles that made it once impossible to sneak about the lower levels of the house. They had been an acoustic nightmare but she had grown to love it's sound and learned to distinguish the different footfalls of her family. But it was also ugly, she thought. Now that it was gone, she missed it.

They reached the entrance to the library. Briony felt a chill and thought that somebody brushed by her on the way in. But there was only her and Charles there. She shook it off to being nervous. She could hear the hush of those gathered inside. They were relatives, some of which she had not seen in years. She knew it would probably be the last time she would see or remember any of them.

Charles opened the door.

"Happy Birthday!" everyone in the room shouted as Briony entered the room.

She smiled and looked around the room as the guests began to approach her to wish her personal birthday wishes or praise for her writing. Charles stood by her whispering names and identities of those she did not know or those she could no longer recognize. Some faces were familiar, some were not. She could not blame it all on her increasingly diminished facilities. She had not seen some of her relatives in over twenty years. They ranged in age from her older brother Leon's 89 to 3months. There were a gaggle of red-heads in one corner, clearly descendants of her cousins Jackson and Pierrot. In another corner, children, grandchildren and even great grandchildren of her brother Leon. Despite his failed marriages, Leon was a dedicated father which was evident by the sight of him now bound to a wheelchair guarded by his two youngest, the twins Robbie and Cecilia.

Briony walked over to her brother. While his body betrayed him over the years his mind was as sharp as ever. His final two children had sacrificed a lot to take care of their father. She had always been a bit apprehensive about being with the twins as they had a strange closeness to their namesakes and Briony had a feeling it was not just because of what their father had told them. Leon had told her about the days after their mother's funeral and how the twins had met their sister and Robbie's ghosts.

Leon reached out and took his sister's hand squeezing it as hard as he could which was not that hard. He smiled. "Happy birthday, Briony."

Briony squeezed her brother's hand in response. "Thank you, Leon. You are looking well."

"Bah." he snorted followed by a chuckle.

Little Cecilia, as she was always known and called by everyone, turned to her aunt. "Aunt Briony, I read your book." she replied.

"My book?" Briony asked with surprise. "Which one?"

"Atonement," Little Cecilia answered. "My ex-girlfriend is a literary critic and received an advance copy. She let me read it first. I've never read any of your novels before."

"And what did you think of it?" she asked nervously. She had a feeling Little Cecilia would be honest with her unlike some of her other family members were and had been over the years.

Little Cecilia smiled. She could tell her aunt was nervous to hear her opinion. "I think that Auntie Cee and Robbie will like the ending you gave them."

Briony was relieved. She never really believed in ghosts or the stories her brother had told her over the years about Robbie and Cecilia's ghosts, but now, looking back, it all made sense now. She didn't want to believe that she was being haunted. She always told herself that it was some kind of a perverted stalker who had somehow managed to enter her flat when she had awakened or returned to her flat to find the bed unmade, clothes strewn all over the floor and/or her neatly stacked papers and notes spread out over the table. It made sense that the messes could have been her sister, haunting her. Cecilia had always been annoyed by her attention to neatness and knew how equally annoyed she was at her own sloppiness. Briony also took notice how Little Cecilia and Little Robbie always spoke of their Auntie Cee and Robbie in a present tense. She also recalled how it was Little Robbie who found the key to Cecilia's locked room at the bottom of the fountain and how he and his twin were laughed hysterically when the clean and immaculate room was opened while everyone just looked in the room in a state of complete shock and disbelief. Perfume bottles were neatly arranged by height and color on the vanity. The drawers were organized and categorized. The clothes were neatly folded or hung and color coordinated. The only evidence that the room had once been occupied by Cecilia was the green halter gown laid out on the bed with the accessories she had worn and an empty pack of cigarettes beside it. An cigarette butt filled ash tray was on the bed stand and the trash can filled with cigarette butts and ashes.

Charles approached her. He smiled at Leon and nodded to the twins. "Briony, the kids are getting restless for the cake but first we have some entertainment arranged. If you would come with me?"

Briony excused herself from her brother and his twins. She turned to follow Charles to the front of the room where a makeshift stage was being set up. She did not see Leon as he reached with a smile as if to reach back and hold an invisible hand on his shoulder.

Tears of joy, laughter and embarrassment filled Briony's eyes as she watched and listened to the young Quincey boy recite

"...be warned! Because Arabella almost learned too late, that before we love we must cogitate!"

The children bowed as the room erupted in applause and cheers in reaction to their flawless performance of "The Trials of Arabella" Leon was laughing and smiling finally getting to see the play that had been written for him. When the applause finally subsided it was replaced by chants for the author and birthday girl.

Briony blushed and stood up before her family. She turned to look at the faces trying desperately not to burst into tears and to somehow seer their faces into her memory. She wondered how long before this day would fade into oblivion. Opening her mouth to speak, she froze and suddenly felt faint. Immediately at her side as she stumbled back Charles and another were there to support her.

She looked again to the back of the room as she was eased into a chair. There in the back of the cheering crowd behind her brother Leon and his twins were two figures. They stood there looking young and radiant, dressed for dinner. A young man with beautiful blue eyes dressed in his best suit and a beautiful young woman in the prime of her life wearing a sparkling diamond bracelet and a green halter neck gown. They looked back at her smirking maliciously.

Briony had to look away. She could not meet their eyes. As the cake was brought out for her she dared to look again but they were gone. Had they actually been there or had she imagined them?

* * * *

Exhausted. That was how she felt. The day had started with an interview beginning the promotion of her 21st and final novel followed by a visit to the War Time Museum where she had done a great deal of her research. She felt that she owed it to Robbie to accurately account his time in the Army. She had also donated her sister's and Robbie's love letters that Grace had given to her before her death. Robbie's mother never forgave her but left the letters to her so that one day she would know just how much she had hurt Robbie and Cecilia and how much they truly cared for one another. That love never faded. She had never gathered the courage to open the bundle and read the letters. Little Cecilia's review "I think Auntie Cee and Robbie will like the ending you gave them" gave her hope. But then there was those faces at the back of the crowd. Again she told herself that she had imagined them.

She was seventy-seven years old and she felt like it. She had never really felt old until now. Atonement, her 21st and final novel. A labour of love, but was it enough?

She felt tired. So very tired. It was time to lay down. Time to rest.

Laughter. Loud hysterical laughter and giggling. Briony opened her eyes but could see nothing. Everything was empty, but the laughter. In a panic she looked around but could see nothing. The laughter and giggling seemed familiar somehow. She looked around. Panic. There was nothing Where was the laughter coming from? Why was it so familiar? Was she going mad?

Two figures emerged before her from the nothing. She stared at them, confused. Why were they laughing at her? One was a World War II soldier by the look of his uniform, pale and unshaven wearing no shoes. The other was a young woman with wavy brown hair wearing a simple green dress.

Briony tired to back away but could not move as the figures moved closer. "Stay away from me!" she cried out weakly.

The young woman laughed harder. "Oh my god, Briony! You should have seen your face!"

The soldier still giggled and held out his hand. "Come with us, Briony. It's time to rest."

Briony stared. She could not believe what was before her. "Cecilia? Robbie?" She felt old again... seventy seven. Her sister was still twenty eight, and Robbie twenty nine. "Why are you here?" she asked suddenly afraid. Were they taunting her?

"We've come for you, silly." Cecilia replied. "Now take Robbie's hand. Mother is waiting."

"Mother?"

"Yes, mother. And Grace and Uncle Clem."

Briony wondered why Uncle Clem. She had never met him and heard only stories.

Cecilia took Robbie's extended hand, then held out her own to her sister. "Come, Briony."

Tentatively, Briony took her older sister by the hand not quite ready to be dragged to hell. "Cee?" she replied as they began to walk toward the light that she was sure would soon fade.

"Yes?"

"I wanted to say that I'm sorry. I know it's not enough but I am very sorry." Briony replied with conviction.

Robbie smiled. "It's all right, Pal."

Briony felt her heart warm. She had not heard Robbie call her that in years. Perhaps she was not being lead to hell after all. But she still wanted to hear the words. Briony could see three figures in the distance as the nothing began to clear.

"It's time to rest, Briony," her sister replied. "Come back. Come back to us, Briony."

Her sister's tone was just like when they were younger and Cecilia would come to her room to comfort her after she had had a nightmare. Briony felt like a little girl again. "Cecilia?"

Cecilia felt her sister squeeze her hand. "It's all right. I forgive you. Robbie does too. Now come."

Briony could see the figures clearly now. Her mother, Grace Turner, and whom she assumed was her Uncle Clem. Time to rest. Everything had been forgiven but nothing had been lost. She could remember everything.

* * * *

**Epilogue**

It was Little Cecilia who found her Aunt Briony the next morning in her bed presumably asleep. When she tried to wake her she felt cold. She then noticed a bracelet on the nightstand. She had seen it before, when she was a little girl. Nana had taken it and put it in her jewelry box the day they opened her Auntie Cee's bedroom. It belonged to her Auntie Cee.

She picked it up and smiled.

"Cee?" It was her brother. "Do you need help?"

"No." she replied turning to give her brother the bracelet. "Give this to dad. He'll know what it means."

Little Robbie smiled as her sister pulled the sheet over their aunt's head.


End file.
